It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
BILL W., ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
No joke. And guess what? The same applies to those of us recovering from the effects of another’s alcoholism. It took me a long, long time to realize that I was just as crazy as the alcoholics in my life. It took even longer for me to quit blaming them for that, but that’s another story.
They have an incurable disease. So do I. No matter how long I’ve been working at recovery or how far I think I’ve come, I can only have one day of sanity at a time. And that sanity depends on my Higher Power, the tools of the program, and a lot of undeserved grace.
Plus chocolate. So. Much. Chocolate. And funny recovery memes. And a daily routine that functions kind of like padded walls. And other things I’ll tell you as we go along.
There’s nothing new in program
Disclaimer: I don’t know anything. At least, not anything you couldn’t hear in almost any Al-Anon meeting, anywhere.
A friend new to the program couldn’t stand it that I wouldn’t tell her who my sponsor was. Because, you know, anonymity. So began our game of “Guess the Sponsor.” At every meeting I took her to, she tried to guess who it was, using all my “well, my sponsor says” quotes as clues.
She never could guess. What confused her? At every meeting, a different person would say something that I said my sponsor had told me. “Wait– somebody said that at the Tuesday meeting! And now So-and-So just said it here! And then on Friday…and then today. It’s like everywhere I go, they’re saying the same things.”
Yup. That’s program!
Recovery, while individual to each of us, is a well-traveled path. All that any of us has to share is our own experience, strength and hope. Mine is built on the recovery of countless others. I don’t have anything original to offer.
So, lower your expectations… lower… lower… there ya go, that’s about right. Now we can talk.
Talk, me no likey
Talking is not my strong point. If you sat next to me in a meeting, you might wonder as you watched me struggle to put a few words together. Listening to me tell a story is like listening to a four-year-old take an hour to retell the plot of a 20-minute cartoon. Frustrating for all involved, and when it’s over you still don’t know what the heck happened.
Sharing is a developing skill. That sounds a little more positive than saying I really suck at it. It always makes me feel worse, not better. (Thanks, rehearsal demons!) I have to do it to recover. That means finding a way to do it that doesn’t, you know, suck so much.
So I hope in these pages to say the things that won’t come out when I share at meetings. If they happen to help you in your journey, I’m grateful.
Keep coming back!
