Recoverysaurus: An Al-Anon recovery journal
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Letting go of victimhood as a competitive sport
Ever see a sign like this and wonder, How closed is it? Broken pavement? Wet cement? An open pit? Or just a little sprinkler work on the side? Is it really impassable? I’ll be the judge of that. Something similar went through my mind when I first entered the rooms of Al-Anon. I’d hear someone…
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Putting my Higher Power in the right perspective
Road trips before iPads led to some deep questions. Ever notice that the closer things are, the bigger they look? As a kid I played with this a lot, especially on car rides. I grew up before handheld electronics, and I got carsick if I tried to read or draw, so my only option was…
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The magic power of making lists
One of the Step Four questions in Paths to Recovery is, “Am I fearful? What do I fear? Why?” Ha, ha. How much time do you have? Before I came into the program, I was so focused on everyone else’s feelings that I had no idea how I felt. Plus, there was my fake self…
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When NOT to “Take what you like and leave the rest”
One of the things I love about Al-Anon is that I can go to almost any meeting, anywhere, and hear the same wonderful words: the Suggested Opening and the Suggested Closing. Just the sound of them brings my heart rate down and unclenches my shoulders. I’m safe, home, among friends, whether I happen to have…
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If Jesus was an Al-Anon
Reading the Gospels, I get the feeling that Jesus worked a great program. He did not chase people around fixing them. He gave them the dignity of holding onto their problems as long as they wanted. When a blind man cried out for mercy, Jesus asked, “What do you want Me to do for you?”…
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Serenity is like physical fitness
I used to think serenity was something that would eventually happen to me. As if I’d someday be able to say, “My serenity date is…” Turns out, for me it’s a lot less like a a road-to-Damascus moment and more like physical fitness: a condition built through consistent effort over time. I have had a…
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Some Practical Ways to Give The Committee the Middle Finger
Sometimes it’s just one voice, sometimes it’s a whole chorus…the crazy-making inner dialogue. The Committee has many voices. Sometimes it sounds like an authority figure from the past or present: my mom, my boss, my pastor. Maybe it takes on the voice of that super judgy relative or neighbor. I know I’m in trouble when…
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Learning to listen, in and out of meetings
At the International Convention, one of the opening speakers said, “If I’m willing, my Higher Power will always show up at the meeting.” When I was new, the idea that God could speak to me through other ordinary human beings just didn’t register. Shouldn’t He part the clouds and speak with thunder and lightning, or…
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Meetings are wonderful, but they’re not enough
Right after the holidays, a newcomer in obvious distress shared her painful story. Her sober adult daughter had blown up in a dry-drunk rage over a seemingly minor incident, then cut off contact. At Christmas, no less. In alcoholic families, this holiday tale is as old as Saint Nick himself. Ruined holidays are pretty much…
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How to handle parents keeping score
Awhile back, the pre-meeting chat at my home group turned towards the recent accomplishments of someone’s highly accomplished kids. I made the appropriate congratulatory noises, and then my friend C. looked at me deadeye across the table and said, “You know, kids are how parents keep score.” I felt that. I know she felt it…
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Step Six and Willingness
Step Six: Became entirely willing to have God remove all these defects of character. If you’ve been around the rooms awhile, you’ve bumped into the idea that character defects are outdated survival skills. At one time they helped us survive the craziness of alcoholism, but now they’ve outlived their usefulness. They don’t fit our current…
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Prayer, then and now
The kind of praying I did before I came into program went like this: God, please do thing X for Person Y before thing Z happens. And please make sure things A, B, and C go exactly how I want. Oh, yeah, and don’t let Person Q find out I lied about that thing the…
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On saying the Serenity Prayer with 3500 of my closest friends
I just got back from the Al-Anon International Convention. Well, actually I just got done decompressing from the International Convention. Big crowds are not my happy place. But it was so worth it! Amazing doesn’t even begin to cover it. So much recovery in one place…incredible speakers, workshops packed with wisdom, intense meetings. Plus hugging…
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Working Step Ten better using Step Four
I won’t bore you with the details of my Step Four, except to say that it was a process. Meaning, of course, that an abundance of cussing and crying was involved. With the guidance of my sponsor, I worked through the Step Four questions in the Paths to Recovery book. It took months of daily…
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When making amends takes a little miracle
This is the story of how I made amends to my mom. She wasn’t the drinker, but she sure was the source of the crazy. Funny thing is, she didn’t seem crazy. A lot of us untreated Al-Anons act more insane than the drinkers in our lives, and we don’t even have the excuse of…
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Extrapolation vs. Just For Today
Do you ever do what I do? Old timers tell us when we’re new, “Wait for the miracles.” And sooner or later, if we keep coming back, they start to happen. A difficult relationship starts to improve. We make it through a crazy blowup or a stressful holiday with our serenity intact. An Al-Anon tool…
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My heroes didn’t wake up like that
I was about five years old the first time I saw the Olympics on TV. And wow! I was enthralled. Gymnasts defying gravity, runners approaching the speed of sound–performing feats I’d never seen anyone do, and making it all look easy. They had superpowers! Just like Mighty Mouse, Spiderman, and all my other cartoon friends!…
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Duck, duck, surrender
If you share with me the common Al-Anon trait of wanting to have all your ducks in a row–sorted by size, color, material, date of purchase, and squeaker volume–uncovering our powerlessness and facing it can feel like a big, slow-motion disaster. I used to be good at keeping those ducks in a row. If there…
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Everything has two handles
Everything has two handles, one by which you can carry it, the other by which you cannot. If your brother wrongs you, do not take it by that handle, the handle of his wrong, for you cannot carry it by that, but rather by the other handle–that he is a brother, brought up with you,…
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What mountain biking taught me about detachment
Mountain biking is different from road riding, and I have the scars to prove it. Disclaimer: I am a baby beginner at MTB. I’m also a baby beginner at detachment, and I have the scars from that too. The Al-Anon pamphlet on detachment was the first piece of CAL that made sense to me. All…
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Step 3, then and now
I just left my third Step 3 meeting in as many days (don’t you love the first week of the month?) and it got me thinking about how much has changed. All my relationships have changed since I started the journey of saying no to my own bulls#!t. Note I didn’t say that the alcoholics…
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Not knowing is progress
A friend new to program recently told me, “You know what I just realized? I don’t know s#it about f@ck.” Me either. My whole recovery has been a long process of figuring out that I don’t know s#it about f@ck. Or rather, figuring out that a lot of stuff I thought I knew “just ain’t…
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The life-changing magic of learning to text my sponsor
I sometimes wonder if all introverts struggle as much as I did when I first came into the program. I’ll never know, because we don’t talk to each other. Or anyone else, if we can help it, unless we have no other options. Preferable options include death, dismemberment, and being bitten repeatedly by poisonous snakes,…
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Expectations vs Recovery
Most of us have heard in program that “expectations are premeditated resentments.” And it’s true. Oh, boy, is it true. When I did my resentments inventory, the word should popped up again and again. (Always regarding others’ actions, of course!) Over and over, the God of my understanding led me to see that I needed…
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Staying sane during the holidays
The holiday season is upon us, dammit. Oops, did I say that out loud? That means turkey, pumpkin pie, family gatherings, expectations, stress, premeditated resentments, and memories of s#!tshows past. Whoops, sorry! Did I say that out loud, too? I meant to say, love, joy, peace, and Norman-Rockwell-like bliss. Only that’s not the whole story,…
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Three Magic Words That Became A Power Tool
One night, Kid Qualifier #1 came over to the house tipsy and decided it would be fun to walk around on the roof. Drunk. In the dark. (At least he kept his clothes on.) After a few minutes, I figured out I wasn’t going to be able to talk him down. This not being my…
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What’s In A Name?
Just in case you were wondering… What does an Al-Anon recovery journal have to do with dinosaurs? Absolutely nothing. So why is it called Recoverysaurus? There’s no deep, compelling backstory here. I just liked it. Adding ‘-saurus‘ to anything makes it sound infinitely cooler, if you’re five years old. Also, well, a little silly. That…
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Slightly less crazy, one day at a time.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. BILL W., ALCOHOLICS…
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Have you seen Recovery Girl?
Have you seen Recovery Girl at a meeting lately? She’s been at several of mine recently. I bet she’s been to some of your meetings too. She shares only about problems she’s already overcome. All her struggles are in the past tense. All her character faults are fixed, or at least carefully tucked in, and…
